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The Path of Least Resistance by Dan Barber (09/14/2002) Having had some intense personal discussions with one of my employees, Chad, who was working hard on becoming a great Christian, I began comparing his desires and needs to my own. He has since died in a terrible 4-wheeler crash, and his fatal out come has prompted some thoughts which I'd like to share. Chad considered his church and community as if they were a life boat, a place of refuge. A nice, unconditional place that would love him regardless of his failings and regardless of his behaviors. They offered, in my opinion, (but not in his) the path of least resistance - and he took it. He was a former drug user who lost his brother last year in a terrible motorcycle accident, one where his brother was going too fast and slammed into the back of a truck. Sure, motorcycles are a dangerous form of transportation, but abusing them is suicidal. Why was Chad a drug user? He never found that out, for if he did, I believe he would have chosen a different path. Drugs and alcohol are also the perceived path of least resistance. When Chad came to work for me, I knew his past (he was referred to me by someone who coordinates a 12- step program for drug and alcohol abuse). So I knew that I had a potentially suicidal employee on my hands. I sat down with him and offered some alternatives to living, and I began to appeal to his intellect. He and I often stayed up late discussing these ideas. But, as often happens, it became increasingly uncomfortable for him to move in a new direction. Instead of putting his energy into helping himself, he began to try to "save" me. He began to try to convince me that I was the suicidal one, the one who was going to miss out on eternal life! I know better than to build a strong relationship with a suicidal person, so the fact that he is dead really doesn't affect me in the usual way. I feel very sad that he made that choice, because I think he was a very kind and generous person, one that under other circumstances, I would be interested in having as a friend. But he simply didn't value his own life enough to share it with me for very long. And I got the message, loud and clear. Now Wayne, my other employee, is a kind person who offers unconditional friendship as long as you hang out with him and play his games. His form of playing is fast cars and fast motorcycles. He never deals with personal change or outcomes of behaviors. He escapes his own decisions every weekend with his thrilling hobby. But he is an extremely honest and responsible person. And his life is a constant struggle to relate with the opposite. I always tell him that he spends his time sailing with pirates and complaining about it. But I don't worry about Wayne because he has mastered the art and is a professional thrill seeker. Pirates are attractive to him. He also doesn't like me, but he respects me, which is more important to me. Chad wasn't a professional thrill seeker. He was a professional escape artist. I watched Chad as he systematically destroyed his path of growth (and thus his relationship with me), and worked with a new found vigor on his relationship with God and his relationship with Wayne - both being the path of least resistance. I know the path of God is hard, but it was harder for him to own up to his own situation, and this is what I presented to him, and Wayne said "Hey you just need some speed!" Speed is a drug, too. It is quite ironic that Chad was praying for two things: 1) for God to help solve his and his wife's financial problems, and 2) for God to help solve their marital problems. God granted both wishes in one horrible act. Chad did have a large life insurance policy and never had to get divorced. All his wife's so-called problems are solved. By the way, when they found his wrecked 4- wheeler it was in 6th gear! That means he was doing at least 70 mph over a jump that Wayne said could only be done at 40 mph. I think the story of Chad is a profound one and I needed to share it with
you. One final thought: FOR is not a life boat, it is more like a
river raft (hence our yearly trip!). Instead of being a place of refuge it is a place of shared, learned control. A river raft is safest when it is filled with adults who know
which responsibilities to take on and which to relinquish to the leader. In a raft the leader can change very quickly as the raft spins. We all have a shared destination and are actively learning to understand
the river of life, and to find its whirl pools and waterfalls. We are learning
where to turn, and what to stay away from - together. This organization is one of excitement and challenge. When someone falls out of the boat
he needs to help himself. The rest of us maneuver the raft safely to him and
help him climb aboard again. We don't save anybody. We offer programs and activities that you can choose to participate in, programs that you can seek out, programs that you can get involved with and participate in at your own level of comfort. You have to earn it
here. You must feel the confidence that earning something brings, and you will become more valuable to yourself by
deciding that suicidal situations and relationships are not healthy. Maybe God put me in Chad's life to offer him an alternative path? I doubt it! I do think great opportunities pass our way every
day. It is up to each of us personally to open our eyes and ears. That is not possible without personal growth and personal change. As
people grow they become taller and their horizons more vast, and they see more alternatives for problem solving. The challenge our members face is how to grow this group without saving a person from
himself. We will grow in direct relation to how we all grow personally.
Our river raft will only hold true adults who choose to participate with us and understand the importance of a moral,
rational Fellowship. Respond to this Commentary. |
